Bookends

You Never Know Until You Try.

There’s a verse in the Bible that says we should rejoice and be glad in the new day the Lord has given us, but lately, though I’d like to say that I’ve felt that way, I haven’t. I’ve been trying desperately to, but I haven’t managed it in quite a long time. Each day brings more of the same: finding very few jobs that look even remotely feasible. It’s depressing to know that I’m not alone in this slow boat to nowhere. I know of someone who has said that she doesn’t really want at least 99% of the jobs she’s applying for but she knows that she has to have something. I think more of us have been there than we care to think about. May God help us all!

Trying desperately to figure a way out of this mess, I’ve been doing a lot of self-examination lately. It’s kind of what we do as one year draws to a close and another one dawns. We begin and end each year with introspection and, hopefully, prayer. Though I begin and end each day with prayer, I’ve almost always had my main prayer and Bible study time at night before going to sleep. I can think of several reasons: there just seems to be more time at night; my grandmother did it that way; and mainly because I started the practice as a teen when it became obvious that lying down at night didn’t mean that my mind got the message that it was time to sleep. That’s when it seemed that my mind was determined to do what it wanted to do, which was keep me awake thinking. It didn’t matter how much I tried to focus on relaxing and getting to sleep. It wasn’t happening. I found that praying and reading my Bible and devotional materials helped me calm the “what if’s” and “if only’s” that often tried to keep me awake.

As you can imagine, the “what if’s” and “if only’s” have gotten more frequent and insistent over this last year of post-graduation job hunting. The other day, facing another day of seemingly futile efforts to find a decent job, feeling hopeless, I found that “just” praying wasn’t calming me much. I grabbed my Bible and started reading and finally found enough peace to start the day. I didn’t get a job that day, but I found that “bookending” (is that a word?) my day with not just prayer but also with Bible reading made me feel a lot better. Duh!!!!

Putting books between bookends keeps the books upright, making their titles easier to read, and it protects them from damage. Likewise, “bookending” my day with Bible reading keeps me upright and helps protect me from Satan’s attacks. When they come, I’m much stronger and better equipped to fight. Scripture tells us that Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, beginning and end, so it makes sense to carry that into everyday life by reading the Bible in the morning and at night.

Sure, “just” praying helps, but it’s easy for prayer to turn into a meltdown session of worrying about things, telling God what I want and how unhappy I am with my situation instead of praising Him and thanking Him for countless blessings. Reading Scripture takes me more out of myself and helps me focus on Him, which is where my focus should be in the first place. Another lesson from this wilderness.

Fish or Cut Bait (Tenacity Gone Wrong)

You Never Know Until You Try.

I had a conversation with someone recently in which “fish or cut bait” came up. I don’t know how often it’s used now, but most Americans under 50 have probably heard this little saying, which means recognizing when it’s time to continue on a course of action or change course, maybe even changing the intended destination entirely. If we’re fishing for wrong thing, tenacity can be a very bad thing. If we're fishing for the right thing, tenacity is a good thing. Beyond that, I think when we’re fishing for the right thing, tenacity is a “God thing.”

Hours after the conversation, during my bedtime devotional time, I started thinking how this idea of fishing or cutting bait has recurred in my life over the last year. I’ve had to cut bait once or twice. Obviously, it’s really important for everyone to listen to God’s still, small voice and to learn from experience; for a tenacious go-getter, it’s extra important. It’s all too easy to run ahead, using human wisdom, human logic, human fear, human strength, thinking that we know the answer. The catch is that we have to be teachable, or we won’t get anywhere. God can talk until He’s blue in the face, and it won’t do any good.

We plan, God laughs, right? I don’t know that I believe that. I know the wisdom behind the notion that He laughs at our plans—it’s because He knows the beginning, middle and end, and our plans, if carried out, might yield disastrous ends. That’s why I’m so glad that He speaks to us, gently directing our steps. Rather than laughing at us, I think it’s more likely that God mourns our stubbornness or lack of faith, shaking His head in frustration when we plug along, determined to make things happen that aren’t for our good but that we’re convinced we want or have no choice but to do. Sometimes we even get caught up in the “Do something, even if it’s wrong” mentality. I hate, abhor, loathe, detest, despise being in the "wilderness." And that’s where I’ve been the last year. At least I’m not in it alone.

This last year, while fishing for a post-degree job that supports me (and I, hopefully, don’t hate), I’ve also fished for God. I’ve yelled at Him, cried to Him, begged and pleaded, studied and prayed harder than ever before. It’s been messy—messier than literally thrashing around with a shark, but I’m still fishing. I’m fishing for peace; I’m fishing for knowledge of who I really am and Who He is; I’m fishing to understand what I believe about Him and where those beliefs are tainted by my experiences and Satan’s lies regarding those experiences.

It’s never time to cut bait when we’re fishing for God, trying to know Him better. And unlike real fishing for real fish, God bends over backward to be caught. After all, He's fishing for us.