Prayer and Prejudice, and A Little Pride

You Never Know Until You Try.

I encountered someone engaging in one of my pet peeves this week. It’s something that’s rampant in our world even though we’re so inundated by politically correct language and—supposedly—behavior that we sometimes don’t even notice it. Here in America, “the land of the free,” we’re not supposed to have discrimination (or prejudice, which means the same thing, just minus the action) based on race, sex, age, weight, religious practice, and so forth, but we all know that we do. Sometimes it’s blatant, but I think most of the times it’s subtle. It’s just there, set up in our system of “the way things are done.” I repeat: institutional discrimination is subtle because it’s just understood to be the way things are. Satan is, after all, extremely subtle, as we’re told in Genesis. While I despise unfair, mindless, arbitrary prejudging, which is what prejudice is, I can muster more respect for someone who is open about his or her prejudices than sor someone who hides them. At least then I know what I’m up against.

I’ve observed so much subtle discrimination over the years that it caught me by surprise when I was on the receiving end of a blatant discriminatory practice this week, and I’ve had to remind myself that Jesus calls us to pray for those who persecute us and bless those who curse us. (Matthew 5: 44). At the time, I handled the face-to-face situation fairly well, though not as well as I would've liked. I wasn’t as bold as I wish I’d been. Later, once I was alone, Satan made sure to appeal to my pride by whispering to me that it wasn’t fair, that I deserved better than I got in the situation, and that I should go back to the people involved and really give them have a good dressing down.

My flesh really wants to do that, but I know that harsh words will just stir up trouble. What I’m doing instead is praying for the individuals—and for myself. I want to be someone who gets a point across without resorting to using Satan’s tactics. He loves to cause trouble. Maybe God wants to handle this one without my “help,” or maybe He will urge me to go back and gently address the situation again. I haven’t gotten any clear instruction beyond the one to pray for those involved in the encounter. I’m doing that. I’m praying for institutional discrimination to not be the norm, and I’m praying for everyone to fight against it when they encounter it, because it hurts everyone. It devalues people made in God’s image, and when one person suffers, the ripple effect means that we all suffer.

I think life really is like “6 Degrees of Separation.” For
example, you may not be the one denied the job because you are a 55-year-old woman of color, but your therapist’s teenaged son may encounter her in traffic as she drives home from the demeaning job interview in which she’s obviously been discounted because of her age and/or her race. She’s distracted, not driving well, and the teenager, impatient to get to his destination, passes her when he shouldn’t. Another car is coming, and boom! You get the idea.

So, I’ll keep praying for all of us caught up in this world of imperfect people who judge others based on completely arbitrary things instead of, as Dr. Martin Luther King so eloquently put it, “ . . . the content of (their) character.”

Thanksgiving

You Never Know Until You Try.

We’re just a few days away from what I’ve heard called “Turkey Day.” Certainly, many of us in America traditionally consume turkey on the day officially known as “Thanksgiving Day,” but I hope turkey with all the trimmings won’t be what people focus on this Thursday. I hope everyone—religious or not, “spiritual” or not, Christian, Jew, Muslim, agnostic, whatever—will take time to focus on what they’ve got to be grateful (thankful) for. Yes, I hope everyone will realize that being “thankful” means thanking someone for the good, or at least for minimizing the bad, and really know Who that Someone is and will have a real relationship with Him. Relationships take time, and every relationship starts somewhere. Fortunately, our relationship with God starts with Him reaching out to us and not the other way around. All we have to do is accept His extended invitation. I hope everyone is open to hearing that invitation this Thanksgiving and Christmas season. It’s even better than receiving an invitation to the biggest Thanksgiving banquet ever. Actually, it is an invitation to the biggest banquet ever--the one we'll have in Heaven.

I’m sure I don’t seem very thankful sometimes. I’ve certainly been vocal, both in my blog and elsewhere, about the things in my life that I’d love to change: I’m still not working in a job that I like that actually supports me and am wondering why I went to the trouble and expense of getting a degree; I still don’t have a wonderful man to share my life with; I still hate the locality in which I live; I still drive a very old truck; my relationship with my mother still leaves a lot to be desired, yada, yada, yada.

But:

Though I’d love for most things in my life to be different, I’m thankful for the “good” and that God minimizes the “bad” while helping me through it. I have a degree, so theoretically my job prospects are brighter than if I didn’t; I like my own company and would rather be alone than be with the wrong person; at least I’ve got a home; my truck still gets me back and forth; my mother is still alive, so there’s still hope for us to have a good relationship. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

The thing I’m most thankful for is that God loves me and will never leave me. Jesus promised, and He always keeps His promises.

It’s easy to focus on what we don’t like and would like (even dearly love) to change, on what’s “wrong” in our lives. We’re psychologically bent that way. It’s harder to focus on what we like and wouldn’t change, what’s “right” in our lives, but it’s worth the effort. It makes me feel better to do what the old hymn suggests and count my blessings. I can feel my muscles relax and before I know it, more often than not, I find myself crying—in repentance for my bad attitude, in gratitude for so many blessings, in humble prayer for others less fortunate than I.

I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving Day and realizes how blessed they are!

Journeys and Blessings and Fatigue, Oh My! (Pt. 2)

You Never Know Until You Try.

As I noted in my last entry, I’m future-oriented and seem to prefer arrivals at desired destinations to the journeys necessary to get there. I’m currently journeying through the land of “This isn’t what I got my degree for!” and singlehood as well as dissatisfaction with several major life areas. It’s a trip I’d rather not be on, but I’m trying to make the most of it.

Since I’m not working at the fabulous career I envisioned when I returned to school, or even when I graduated nearly a year ago, I’ve been trying to do something that feeds my soul, because job hunting can suck your soul right out of you and kill it with a horribly, excruciatingly slow death. Many may think my activity of choice is a soul killer instead of a soul feeder, but I’ve done some major de-cluttering around my house. I’m super-organized, so any time my house gets messy, it drives me insane. Everyone accumulates clutter, and the last few years I’ve had little free time to keep things organized. Now, between getting rid of some things and getting the rest organized, I’ve simplified my life a bit, and I literally feel lighter.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who would love to be able to snap my fingers and make everything fall into place just as I’d like it to be, but life isn’t that way. Besides, while there are many things that wouldn’t be “hurt” by doing an instantaneous “poof” there are other things that would. Sure, if I snapped my fingers and my scrapbook was completely caught up, I wouldn’t have the extra materials lying around taking up space, but I would miss out on the joy of putting the scrapbook together. If I could wiggle my nose and “poof,” be instantly transported to a time wherein I’m married to a wonderful man, I would miss the like-no-other feeling of falling in love. What a shame that would be! We all need to be prepared emotionally and physically to move to a new situation. Body builders don’t start out lifting 300-pound weights, and babies don’t run marathons. Cheese, as a humorous television commercial tells us, has to mature, and wine supposedly gets better with age. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

While I work toward creating the life I want, I’m trying to keep in mind how gratifying it is when a long-awaited event occurs. The “reward” is even sweeter if it’s hard-earned. We appreciate it more. We just need to remember to be grateful for the blessings along the way, of which there are many. As my therapist reminds me, it’s about the journey, not the destination—even if the journey is tiring.

Journeys and Blessings and Fatigue, Oh My! (Pt. 1)

You Never Know Until You Try.

Some journeys are fun: vacations to the mountains, beach, Disney, camping, etcetera. Some aren’t so much fun: trips to any medical professional. Likewise, thinking about some journeys can be fun and thinking about others can freak you out. I’ve heard it said that most of the time what we dread happening never happens at all and we expend tons of psychic energy needlessly, sometimes making ourselves sick in the process.

I’m currently in transition; I finished a B.A. in Communication Studies in December 2009, and now I’m looking for a job in this wonderful (not) market, having no luck, I might add. Thus, my life post-degree is very much like my life pre-degree. I still live in the same old house. (Thank the Lord I’m not one of those poor souls who got foreclosed on). I still drive the same old vehicle. (Thank God it’s still on the road). I still haven’t met someone to share my life with. (At least I like my own company).

Though things are much the same, it seems as if I’ve been in flux forever. To use military terminology, things in my life have been radically destabilized. Just since the late 1990’s, I’ve seen my first marriage break up; I married my second husband; he died; I returned to school and finished my degree; both my parents retired and they embarked on home renovations and vacations, some extended; my brother and sister-in-law broke up; I’ve lost 4 beloved pets. Add in the part-time and temporary jobs I’ve had, as well as the emotional “work” I’ve done, and you can understand why I’m tired. I’m ready for things to stabilize and settle into something a little less objectionable. Preferably a whole lot less objectionable.

As a person who’s by nature future-oriented and who has spent most of my life on a journey I've found completely objectionable, I couldn’t relate to something my therapist has said to me several times. Until recently, that is. Before the last couple months or so, whenever she said, “I don’t think it’s about the destination; I think it’s about the journey,” I wanted to scream. I think I told her so, too. She knows how disgusted and restless I’ve been, wanting my life to be vastly different than what it has been. I’ve felt bled dry—or very close to it. I’m ready for the destination! A good one, thank you very much. I’ve had several stopping places along the way that I've referred to as hell dimensions. Knowing that I had a place to go to and a certain task to do that I really didn’t want to do, I’d say, “Well, it’s time to go to hell.” Yes, I know the real hell is no joking matter, and I haven’t said what I’ve said lightly; I’ve really been tormented by some of the places and activities in my life and just had to make the best of it. Unlike the real hell, I haven’t had to endure eternal separation from God. He’s been with me the whole time, as He promised.

Many times in my life I’ve wished I could just snap my fingers or wiggle my nose, like “Samantha” on “Bewitched,” and make something happen instantly—to have the successful career in full swing; the loving mate; the debts paid in full; the extra weight gone; the ongoing pet projects completed; psychic wounds cured. Years of “stuff” “fixed” in an instant. I’m not even going to comment further on how we live in a society that values instant gratification; we’ve all heard that story many times.

It hasn’t made me enjoy waiting, journeying toward a hoped-for destination any more than I have before, but I recently got a new understanding of the journey. It really does have a purpose, and it’s not to drive me crazy (crazier). I’ve asked God, sometimes loudly, what the reason is, and I think I’ve gotten an answer. I’ve come up with some possible reasons for my looooooong journeys toward hoped-for ends. I think God has us wait for several reasons, My wait can be for a different purpose than someone else’s, but the wait, the journey, does have a purpose. God wastes nothing. We can’t say that. I’m trying to keep from wasting this time of waiting by doing what I think God wants me to do: study the Bible, pray, work on projects that have gotten left out before now, and rest without feeling guilty that I’m not buzzing about like a bee. That way, I can look on this part of my journey more as a time of blessing than as a time of fatigue.

The Beat Of a Different Drummer

You Never Know Until You Try.

As I noted in my last post, I was looking forward to the new television season in large part because of the new Hawaii Five-O. I’m a rabid Alex O’Loughlin fan and was thrilled that he’d been picked to play “Steve McGarrett” in the new show. I loved his previous series, “Moonlight” and “3 Rivers,” but they were cancelled. “Moonlight,” in which Alex played a vampire, won a People’s Choice award for favorite new series, so I don’t know what happened, except maybe the writers’ strike that was going on at the time. I wish the powers that be had given it a little longer, because the very next year, the vampire craze hit; I’m sure “Moonlight” would still be on, riding the wave of vampire mania. Instead, Alex O’Loughlin is riding another wave, or at least heading a show set in Hawaii, where wave riding, aka surfing, is so popular.

What does all that have to do with the title of this post? I’m glad you asked. To be literal, I can talk about drums and drumming and point to the kettle drum in the amazing Hawaii Five-O theme song. More figuratively, though, is the notion of someone marching to a different drumbeat than others—having different “tastes.” “Moonlight” and “3 Rivers” aren’t the only shows I’ve liked that got cancelled; there have been many over the years. It seems that I’ve always fallen into minority status with my likes and dislikes. I’ve loved shows that weren’t the “in” shows and often hated shows that were all the rage. It has been the same with actors—I still fail to see the big deal about a male actor who’s been voted “Sexiest Man Alive.” To each her own, I guess.

Sometimes I get tired of being the salmon swimming upstream, because it can be exhausting. I’m too stubborn to cave in, though. I am who I am. Sometimes, it’s no big deal going against the “norm.” (I wonder, though, if it’s the “norm” or if the proponents of a certain position are just more vocal and visible than opponents—just a thought.) Now and then, my position on something puts me at odds with others, and I encounter verbal chiding, funny looks, or outright hostility.

The Bible declares people who follow God’s commandments to be “peculiar,” meaning “special” (I Peter 2:9; Deuteronomy 14:2, 26:18; Titus 2:14). If we love God and obey Him, we’re special to Him. It seems to me that in a world that supposedly values inclusivity, political correctness, “rights,” expressing and standing up for Christian beliefs makes you the exception to the “live and let live” philosophy bandied about. You get called “narrow-minded,” “bigoted,” or some other less-than-flattering label. You’re certainly not called “special.” It doesn’t help our case when misguided people take certain Scriptures out of context to support their hate-filled agendas. The Bible does state certain black-and-white edicts: don’t steal, etcetera, but even when Scripture clearly calls for punishment of sin, it doesn’t advocate hating the sinner. It’s quite the opposite, in fact, but it’s easy to forget that in the heat of the moment. Like I wrote in my post “Unhelpful Help,” it’s not helpful to criticize people, but it is helpful to lovingly point out another way to behave. As someone who often marches to a different drummer, I’ve been on the receiving end of both approaches. I hope it’s made me more sensitive to and respectful of my fellow marchers, no matter which drummer they’re marching to.

A New Season

You Never Know Until You Try.

Like many Americans, I looked forward to the new fall television season. I especially wanted to see the Hawaii Five-0 reboot. I still love the original; it was a good show and it brings back memories of my long-dead grandmother, who adored “Steve McGarrett.” As a fan of the
original and as a huge Alex O’Loughlin fan, I was practically panting with anticipation. I watched the premiere and loved it; I hope it enjoys a long, successful run.

Amid all the new season mania this week, mine included, I started to compare the attention we give to our favorite celebrities with the attention we give to God. Do we pant for Him as ardently as we do for them? David says in Psalm 42:1, “As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.” That’s how it should be, but is it? Maybe our souls pant for Him, but our minds are elsewhere, like on who’s headed for rehab, who has a new movie out, or who’s supposedly sleeping with whom.

We certainly have plenty of stories about celebrities—look at the grocery store check-out area, and you’ll see tabloids galore; turn on the television, and you can watch “Extra,” “Entertainment Tonight,” and a number of other shows dedicated to keeping us informed on the comings and goings of entertainers. Celebrity watching has its place, but it seems that we too often neglect to give God the same interest. We devour the latest tabloid but neglect to read the Bible lying on the shelf. Determined to miss not one single minute of a broadcast, we faithfully DVR the latest episode of some crime drama, soap opera, or reality show, but we fail to attend worship services week after week. I think most of us are guilty of these actions at one time or another.

The good thing is that God is always there, just waiting for us to show an interest in Him. Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us that God’s compassions don’t fail and are new every morning. He makes all things new (Revelation 21:5). All we have to do is ask, and He forgives our sins, heals our wounds. That’s better than even a new television season.

Let Your Words Edify Others (Pt 3) . . . Or Unhelpful "Help"

You Never Know Until You Try.

Until recently, I hadn’t posted anything in ages, but as I noted in part 1 of “Let Your Words Edify Others,” I’ve had a good reason: I’ve been looking for a job since I graduated in December, 2009 and dealing with all the emotional ramifications that entails. I’ve been blessed with lots of people who care about me and with lots of networking opportunities, so I’ve gotten some advice along the way as I’ve navigated the waters post-graduation. Like advice of all kinds and about all subjects, some has been helpful, and some hasn’t. Some has come from well-meaning people who have no clue what being unemployed in this job market is like. Or no clue about anything other than that they’ve heard I’m looking for a job.

Some people have the mindset that “need a job” means any job, anywhere, doing anything, for any pay, even if it means depleting resources one might already have. I don’t happen to fall into that category. Drive 50 miles each way in a nearly 20-year-old gas-guzzler for $8 an hour? I don’t think so! Not when I’m a single adult with no one else to support me and no way to replace said gas-guzzler if it dies! I know no job is perfect—nothing in this fallen world is, but I firmly think a person, if he or she can afford it and after careful prayer feels God's "permission", should pass on taking just any old job if she (or he) knows it:

1. Won’t build her resume in the right direction, but sends it in the wrong direction, pigeon-holing her into the “wrong” line of work. Especially true of recent “adult” college grads like me. I think if someone had been in a fulfilling, adequately lucrative job in the first place, she wouldn’t have gone back to school. (Unless of course her industry, like textiles or tobacco, to use a North Carolina example, is a dying one or jobs are getting sent overseas. There are always exceptions.)

2. Won’t pay her bills or may even deplete her resources. (See paragraph 2).

3. Is doing something she hates so much that the mere thought of doing it saps all strength and/or hope from her mind, body, or spirit, making looking for something better a near-impossibility and avoiding being fired from the hated job a struggle of superhuman proportions.

4. Is doing something she knows she’s incapable of doing physically, even with “reasonable accommodations.” (Similar to #3).

5. Involves a schedule that won’t leave time to look or interview for a better-fitting job.

My lessons during this episode, reminders of things previously learned, have been several:

1. Keep praying and expecting the best outcome, despite how things look.

2. Keep looking—don’t give up!

3. Though I’ve had to remind myself that though some “helpers’” heads seem to be somewhere out in space—Mars, Pluto, etcetera, their hearts are in the right place. If someone offers advice, it means she cares about me enough to try to help in some way. Give her an “A” for effort.

4. I can explain what I’m looking for and my qualifications so people have enough information to make informed judgments about whether to pass a job prospect on to me.

5. If you are a square peg and try to fit yourself into a round hole, it won’t be a good fit. You can do it for a short while, but your edges, and the round hole’s, will get dinged.

6. As I note above, someone offers advice because she cares enough about me to try to help, but it’s not her responsibility to help me find a job (or a house, car, husband, dog, new dress, birthday present for Mom—you get the picture). We just owe each other Christian love.

7. Because I want my words to edify, or encourage, others, I need to think and pray before I offer someone advice or “help.” Otherwise, I may be most UNhelpful.