"It Is What It Is": Cop-Out Or Acknowledgement?

You Never Know Until You Try.

I had an interesting chat with my Pastor today. Since he's a patient, compassionate listener, we talked a while when I called him to arrange a sit-down meeting to discuss some issues I've been dealing with. I highlighted a few of the things on my mind, including my frustration over my current career situation, trying to avoid sounding overly whiny or faith-less. After all, I know the Lord will work something out. I just have to be patient (Ha!) and do my part.

Over the course of the conversation, I quoted my best friend K.'s oft-repeated sentiment, "It is what it is." What I meant was that, as much as I wish things were different, they aren't, and I have to gut it out and make it to the other side of this irritating time, knowing that God is on my side and will help me through, like always.

Apparently, Pastor M. has heard "It is what it is" a lot and asked, somewhat exasperatedly I thought, just what exactly it means. He suggested that maybe it means the person saying it has just given up and is taking the easy, lazy way out rather than work to change the circumstances. Being a Pastor, I'm sure he has heard just about every problem and excuse known to humankind, so it isn't surprising that he might think that.

I was surprised, though, because it had never occurred to me that someone might use the saying as an excuse. I told Pastor M. that I'd heard that saying countless times from K. during the 3 years that her husband was struggling with employment issues. One company went out of business; several others ended up outsourcing the work, so poor T. was left unemployed--again and again. Since K. is on Disability, with T. not working regularly, their bank account dwindled and they faced the real possibility of financial ruin. (Thank God that didn't happen and T. has been working steadily at the same company for several years now.) During those dark days, K. didn't have a meltdown; she kept a positive attitude and often said, real acceptance in her voice,"It is what it is."

Unlike now, when I hear it all the time, like Pastor M., from everywhere, when K. said it, I didn't remember having heard that bit of wisdom, so it stuck with me. Analytical control freak that I am, I found that it helped me to borrow it and repeat it to myself when I got upset that some situation, despite my best efforts, wasn't changing fast enough to suit me.

I think Pastor M. understood my explanation, and I think he's probably mulled it over, as I have his "take" on the saying. I think they're both valid ways of looking at a person's use of the saying. We can quit and refuse to try again to change some situation we find objectionable, using "It is what it is" as our excuse, or we can say "It is what it is" to help pull ourselves out of the pit of frustration, anger, or even despair that we can fall into when something isn't going our way.

It sounds a lot like "The Serenity Prayer" to me:

1. Accept what we can't change ("It is what it is," so why make everyone crazy trying to change it?)

2. Have the courage to change what we can ("It is what it is," so accept that the situation is horrid, quit stewing over the unfairness of it all, and do what we can to change it, even if it means trying several methods before one works.)

3. Know the difference between number 1 and number 2. (No potty jokes here, okay? This is serious.)

4. Most importantly, ask God to give us the serenity to do so. To be serene is to be calm, at peace, not freaking out. That's not a natural state for many people--we're too "wired." But with God's help, we can be serene. Just ask my friend K.